speakscanadian | For Asher [dated 4th August 2013]

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For Asher [dated 4th August 2013]

The facts were these:

Fraser wasn’t currently in need of the uniform.

It was Asher’s birthday.

Ray wanted brownie points. And sex.

The solution had been simple really. Ray tried not to think of it as taking advantage of his best friend’s situation. In fact, he could even argue that it was Fraser who had suggested the idea in the first place. When Ray had come across mini-Benny, he’d never intended to ~~steal~~ borrow his Mountie uniform but after their encounter, Ray just couldn’t shake the memory of those immortal words:

”I look like a Mountie to you?”

Well, now it seemed like Ray did. Taking one final glance in the mirror before leaving, he adjusted the Stetson, so that it sat straight, and smoothed down the lanyard. It wasn’t the first time he’d worn the outfit but he still wasn’t exactly comfortable in it. If all went well though, he wouldn’t have to stay in it very long.

Asher was a pretty simple guy, really. Not in the slow-minded way but in the easy-to-please way. Sometimes Ray forgot that. He could definitely have been accused of trying too hard in the past. Unless he was pissed off or disappointed, Asher didn’t really show any feelings, so Ray often found himself over-compensating just to get a reaction from him. Usually, it ended up being the wrong one…

Today, though, Ray was all about simplicity and – forgive the sap – making Asher happy. If he couldn’t do it on his birthday, when could he?

So there Ray was outside, dressed head-to-toe in Canada, with a bucket of ice on the kitchen counter, drinks cooling inside it. There was a chocolate cupcake baked by his own fair hand, unlit candle sticking out the top, and a Zippo resting beside it.

No fuss. No drama. Definitely no old man jokes. What more could Asher want?

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"Oh, God. What's wrong with you?" Asher asked, more concerned than annoyed. The Island had obviously been fucking with the residents for the past couple of days, and maybe it wasn't done yet. He thought he and Ray had managed to fly under the radar somehow, but evidently he was wrong.

He'd spotted the bright red surge a mile away, and almost wrote it off as the Mountie dropping by to see Ray. Then he remembered that the Mountie was too busy being Cub Scout sized for that to be the case.

When he'd gotten close enough to realize it was Ray, he almost wanted to turn around and head back the way he came, but he'd continued on. Mostly just because it was a long way back to the Compound.

"Trick question?" Ray guessed, lifting an eyebrow beneath the Stetson. It wasn't exactly the reaction he'd been hoping for but not all his hopes were dashed.

Spreading his arms, he let Asher soak in the image some more. "Your birthday starts here."

"Where does it end...?"

Noticing the cupcake did put his worries at ease a bit, but he still had to ask: "You know who you are? There's not somebody else in there doing the driving?" Perhaps someone Canadian.

Ray winked and clicked his tongue, chucking a thumb towards the hut, or more specifically the giant-ass bed inside it. That was where Ray had planned on it ending sometime around tomorrow morning.

"Sure, I'm Ray. But for one night only, I'd prefer it if you called me Constable Vecchio. It has a certain ring to it, don't you think?"

It was only once he was sure it was Ray that he stepped closer, giving him a full once-over.

"So, your best friend is stuck as a prepubescent child and you seize the opportunity to steal his uniform," he accused, tilting his head to the side and giving the lanyard a flick.

Asher had had a shitty time of it lately, which was all the more reason to do this for him. The fact that Fraser - both an officer of the law and his best friend - wouldn't approve rated lower on Ray's list of concerns.

Ray was about to nod before he caught himself just in time. He lifted up a finger to emphasise the correction. "Borrow. Stealing would be a crime, which Fraser would feel compelled to arrest me for when he's back to normal."

At the flick, Ray looked down at Asher's hand, then up to his face. "Been waiting long to do that?"

Ray had known Fraser for years and had still never dared to flick his lanyard.

Edited 2013-08-04 03:34 (UTC)

"So you asked your prepubescent best friend if you could 'borrow' it, then?" That was generally how borrowing worked, anyway. Except he really hoped that hadn't actually happened.

"Think that was an affront to the Queen or something?" Not that Asher was too concerned if it was. Lanyard flicking was probably pretty tame when compared to what Ray likely had in mind when he stole the uniform.

Borrowed.

"Was I supposed to do that? Whoops." Ray's guilt might have been far more convincing had he not smirked straight after.

"I think the way you looked me up and down just now was a bigger affront to her," he surmised, having no complaints about being eye-candy himself. "She likes her Mounties pure and clean."

"What she doesn't know...," Asher said with a shrug. What Fraser didn't know was probably more important than that, though.

"You're not going to try and light that with sticks?" he asked, nodding at the cupcake and lighter. "Doesn't seem very authentic. Once, I saw your Mountie make a fire out of a leaf and a paperclip."

He hadn't, really, but he also hadn't seen him start one with a lighter.

That, Ray could actually believe. Maybe Fraser couldn't do it right now but Ray made a mental note to ask for instructions when he was back, so one day he could wow Asher. Or mildly amuse him, at least.

"Yeah, well, your Mountie doesn't feel like spending the next three hours trying to light a candle." He moved past Asher towards the counter, picking up the lighter and flicking on the flame. "C'mon. You gotta blow something before I do."

It was only fair.

"Pure and clean is definitely out the window, then, huh?" He wasn't even sure if suggestive language like that was suitable for the Chicago Police Department.

Asher glanced at the cupcake and then back to Ray again, elbow braced on the counter. "You're not going to sing, are you?"

"I already look like an idiot," Ray replied, amused, touching the lighter to the candle, "I don't wanna sound like one too."

When the wick caught, he pulled his hand back and pushed the cupcake gently towards Asher, feeling a little cocky.

"A handsome idiot, mind. Make a wish. I like to think I'm living proof they come true for you."

"Well, then, you just go right ahead and keep on thinking it," Asher said. Who was he to take that away from him when he'd gone out of his way to take full advantage of his best friend's misfortune for the sake of his happiness?

After a moment, he blew out the candle. He didn't bother making a wish, though, but luckily he didn't have to reveal that since he wasn't supposed to tell anyone what he wished for anyway.

As the flame was snuffed out, Ray lifted the Stetson off his head and placed it on Asher's.

"Happy Birthday," he hummed, leaning his arms on the counter, the surge folding unnaturally to accommodate his slouching. "Insert cliched joke about a Mountie always getting his man here."

"Oh, sure, incriminate me, too, why don't you?" The uniform could easily be washed, but the hat? And now it was touching his hair, leaving behind evidence for the Mountie to find once he was back to normal.

It wasn't like he was going to investigate and come up with a hair off of Ray's head.

"What?" Ray laughed easily, reaching up again to cock the hat slightly. He shrugged innocently, willing to share the blame. "It's the price you pay for looking better in it than I do."

"It doesn't clash with the tie?" Asher asked, reaching down to pull the candle out of the top of the cupcake and lick the frosting off.

"Is it hot in that thing?"

"A little," Ray admitted, gaze following Asher's hands as he removed the candle. Of course he was going to start licking stuff wearing that hat...

"But that can be fixed." Just as soon as he could get to the tie, he could relieve Asher of the stress of not being perfectly colour co-ordinated.

"Yeah. It's scorching."

Pushing away from the counter and affixing the hat more securely onto his head, Asher grabbed Ray by the belt with one hand, his cupcake with the other, and started inside. He wasn't in any particular rush to get Ray out of it, he'd just prefer it if the other man didn't pass out from a heatstroke before it happened.

"Ooh." Ray followed, however awkwardly, trying not to trip over his feet in the unfamiliar boots. "I don't think this is the standard or authorised use for the Sam Browne..."

"I don't think I give a fuck," Asher replied with a shrug. "I doubt anything you had in mind when you put that on was standard or authorized."

Once inside, Asher attention was mostly on his cupcake, but one bit into it sent him searching the room before looking expectantly back at Ray. "No buttermilk?"

He was joking, for the most part. But they hadn't even been in a relationship when Asher had made him cupcakes, and he hadn't skimped on the buttermilk.

Despite how ridiculous Asher kinda looked, Ray was enjoying seeing him in the Stetson far more than he thought he should.

"Uh...what?" He looked at Asher's expectant face, brain catching up. "Oh, I brought beer. Outside? D'you really want buttermilk? 'Cause I can go getchu some..." he trailed off, backing away slowly.

Ray hadn't expected the day to be perfect but if Asher wanted something he could actually get, then he was gonna get it. And he'd only have to ask once.

"If you leave I'm locking you out." Never mind the fact that they didn't have any actually locks on the door. He'd find a way.

"I'm fine. Don't get your puffy pants in a bunch."

Ray smiled knowingly, all too happy to comply. He hadn't wanted to leave, so while his offer had been sincere, he'd bargained on Asher preferring him to stay put.

"N'aww, you're so clingy," he teased lightly, feigning a look of seriousness with his next comment. "Don't smother me."

Considering the fact Asher was probably the most unsmothery person on the entire planet, Ray thought he was being quite funny.

"N'aww, you're so delusional," Asher mocked around a bite of cake before swallowing and popping the last bit into his mouth.

Delusional, yes, but he made a pretty good cupcake. "My compliments to the chef."

Ray decided not to mention the five cupcakes that came before it.

"What can I say? I bake to impress." He moved away from the door. "You set the bar pretty high when it comes to cupcakes."

"And you dress to... be spotted from space?" Asher quipped, tipping his head to the side.

"Want your hat back?"

"Why, is the light bouncing off my head and blinding you again?" Ray asked with the hint of a smirk.

"I don't dress like this for just anyone, y'know. Kinky boots, pants that accentuate my manly thighs and shiny buttons to keep you entertained." Ray glanced down at one, making a show of huffing hot air on the closest button and buffing it with his sleeve.

"Manly thighs?" Asher echoed, closing the distance between them, arm snaking around Ray's waist as he leaned in for a kiss.

"I hope you weren't relying on letting the buttons do all the entertaining."

Ray figured manly thighs was a pretty accurate description and he wasn't even the one that got the best view of them most of the time. So when Asher leaned in, he leaned back in turn, just far enough to delay any kisses.

"You haven't complimented me on my outfit yet," he murmured, as if it was a serious issue. "Maybe you tell me I look handsome, statuesque even, and I'll take the buttons off entertainment duty for you."

Asher managed to refrain from rolling his eyes, but only just barely.

"You look good in the uniform, Constable," he said, hoping that would be enough, because there was no chance in hell the word 'statuesque' was coming out of his mouth.

Ray might have asked for a lot but there was no doubt he was going to settle for much less, especially when the reason to was so persuasive.

Before leaning back in, he reached up and tipped the Stetson back, so he could see Asher better. "Thank you kindly," he replied in amusement before giving Asher what he wanted in a very un-Mountieish and unreserved manner.

"That is so wrong," Asher murmured against Ray's lips through a puff of laughter. The second he started apologizing for anything, he was done. Until then, he just returned the kiss eagerly, pressing himself against Ray.

"On second thought," Ray muttered, breaking the kiss for just a moment, his hands rising to Asher's chest to start working on the knot of his tie, "it clashes with the hat a lot."

"Mm-hm," Asher hummed in agreement, catching Ray's lips again with his own. In the moment, he would have probably agreed with anything that involved getting rid of clothing, even a critique on fashion coming from a guy currently dressed up as an overgrown nutcracker.

Fingers continued to work even while Ray indulged him. Just because Asher was the only with the fangs in his mouth didn't mean Ray couldn't own a kiss or two.

The tie was eventually loosened enough to pull apart, Ray giving it a sharp tug to remove it in one go. Instead of tossing it away though, he wrapped his arms around Asher to keep him close and started winding it up neatly round his hand. It was one of his favorites and Asher looked stupidly good in it, so it deserved a little respect.

"You've got an unfair advantage," Asher grumbled, hands skimming up and down over the back of Ray's tunic. Ray had plenty of experience getting Asher out of his clothes, and Asher out of Ray's, but these weren't Ray's clothes. There were more buttons, snaps and straps than he cared to deal with; he'd probably get bored before he even got the belt off.

He didn't even want to think about the boots.

"This--" Ray tried a couple more times to speak, each time deciding his mouth had more important things to be doing. He pressed forward against Asher to move him backwards towards the bed, the coordination required by his feet distracting him just enough to continue with his point.

"This uniform took me half an hour to put on." Tie wrapped neatly, Ray pulled a hand around to Asher's belt, starting to undo it single-handedly with a surprising amount of ease. "It's not coming off yet."

The serge deserved a bit more time and attention after all the work that went into it.

"That's dedication," he said, taking Ray's lead and moving easily in the desired direction. "Or stupidity." Either way, being limited to a head and hands was beyond aggravating.

"I guess quickies in an igloo aren't too common among the RCMP."

Tossing the tie onto the bed, Ray turned a look on Asher, giving his head a small, slow shake. Gaze unwavering, he put both hands to work on the belt, finishing the job before he opened his mouth.

"Keep talking," he told him, pushing Asher back onto the bed and taking a moment to admire the view. "We'll see how long it takes me before you can't string a sentence together," he added, dropping to his knees.

Had Asher not been turned on, he might have been a bit pissed off by the shoving. It wasn't exactly in character. "That wasn't very polite."

Not only that, but he put the hat in danger. Since lying with it on wasn't an option, he offered it to Ray.

"Despite that, challenge accepted."

Taking the hat, Ray jerked it towards Asher in warning before fixing it on his head. "You just remember who's under this hat when you look down, okay?"

It was all well and good dressing up like the Mountie when Asher could see Ray's face. But Asher thinking about Fraser while Ray was on his knees wasn't part of the plan.

Hopefully the very act Ray was about to perform would be reminder enough that it couldn't possibly be Fraser down there.

"I try to forget when you're in your regular clothes. Now that you're wearing that...?" Asher trailed off, motioning up and down at the uniform. "It's like you've gone and done my imagination's job for me."

He was joking, of course, but he hooked a leg behind Ray's to keep him in place, just in case he'd managed to piss him off.

Ray lifted his head just enough for his eyes to appear beneath the rim of the Stetson. Narrowed eyes with a warning glint that silently asked Asher who he thought had the power here.

The clicking of the pants' zipper was deliberately slow.

"You need a new fantasy..."

"One that involves a more silent partner?" Asher asked, on the verge of twiddling his thumbs, but not quite there just yet.

"Maybe next year."

Ray smirked at that. Even if it was a joke, that was one thing Asher was never going to get, not as long as he was with Ray.

Getting things back up to speed, he pulled away all unnecessary clothing and lifted himself off his knees just high enough and long enough to cover Asher's mouth with his own again. It was a slower kiss than before, intended to catch his attention and hold it.

"And maybe next year I'll make that fantasy come true too," he whispered, before sinking back down. Asher had blown his candle out without hassle or delay; it was only fair that he got the same treatment in return.

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For Asher [dated 4th August 2013]

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