speakscanadian | Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!

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asher

Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!

"I can't believe I did that I can't believe I did that I can't believe!" Ray flapped his hands and high-tailed it out of the stable, hopping around in circles and visibly shuddering. "I can't believe I did that!"

There was a reason why horses weren't man's best friend and that reason was glaringly obvious to Ray. They stunk. And tried to kick him. And head-butt him whenever his back was turned.

Huffing out a deep breath, Ray pinched two fingers and pulled off his gloves, work done for the morning. He'd forgotten how sucky it was getting up early to tend to two spoiled sets of hooves, and he definitely hadn't appreciated the time in-between these stints enough, when he'd been able to sleep in and not smell of manure. He thanked God he lived alone, otherwise his roommates might have thought there was something wrong with his own bowels...

Tossing the gloves on the floor, Ray looked himself over, checking to make sure he wasn't too cruddy. He'd leave the saddling up and...whatever else needed to be done to Asher and spend the time psyching himself up instead. The faster he learned how to control those things, the less time he'd have to play care-giver.

"C'mooon," he called out, swinging his hands together and shaking out his legs, a clear sign of the nerves he was trying to disguise with over-confidence. "Don't bother with a seat, I'll do it bareback if I have to."

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"I've been nowhere," Ray assured him, folding his arms across his chest as the horse came nearer. He had to keep reminding himself that it was just a police car on four legs - that was why he was doing this, after all. Ponies were the only vehicles in this place and if there was one thing Ray prided himself on, it was his driving skills.

Sticking out a hand, he took the reins and passed his gaze from Beau to Asher. "You're leaving me here with it?" He scuffed his boot in the dirt and kept his shoulders hunched, in case the horse got any ideas. "Alright...sure. You could try being a bit politer, you know. I have paid for this service."

"Because everyone else is also full of freewill, too, huh?" Ray might have paid for these lessons, but the insults were entirely on the house. "Okay, shut the fuck up and do what I say, please?"

Asher did, in fact, leave Ray there with it as he disappeared back into the barn to get Belle ready. It took a bit longer to finish due to the horse being so damn stubborn, but he did eventually manage to get both saddle and bridle on her and walked her out.

"If you don't," he began, picking up the conversation right where he'd left off, "I'll stick you with her."

While Asher had been gone, Ray had given Beau the once-over, tentatively patting him and telling the pony they were pals and that pals played nicely. A threat or two about showing him up in front of Asher might have slipped in as well.

Ray held up a palm. "I'm good with the...stud." The last thing he needed was a hormonal horse on his hands. "Uh, I mean the stallion?" He turned to Beau, lifting his eyebrows. "Hey, that's something we got in common."

"Yeah, that and the long, flowing man-- No, wait." Asher sent a pointed glance at Ray before turning to Belle. "Okay, the things you're holding are the reins. Your steering wheel pretty much. That's attached to the bit in the horse's mouth, which is attached the headstall. Your ass goes in the saddle, and if you're lucky, it'll still be in it once the ride is over. With me so far?"

With Asher's gaze turned, Ray pulled a face at him, childish though it was, and was right back to normal by the time he looked back.

"Reins, steering wheel, head thingy, saddle, yep." He nodded, giving the reins an impatient shake to get going. Beau bobbed his head in response, making Ray jump a little. He clutched his chest with his free hand. "So we should get on?" He was kinda eager to get away from the pony's head; that bit seemed the most unpredictable.

"Guess we should." Or Ray just might pass out or have a heart attack before they got the chance to.

"You generally want to mount up from the horse's left. Bring the reins up around and keep them in your left hand, left foot goes in the stirrup, left hand on the front of the saddle, right hand on the back." As he spoke, Asher slowly went through the motions so Ray got the visual of what he was expected to do.

"Once you're in position, you hop up and swing your right leg over without falling off the other side of the horse. So. Whenever you're ready." Asher decided it was probably best if he stayed grounded until Vecchio was in the saddle. He'd have the best view from there if he did manage to fuck up.

Usually Ray was fine with his lefts and his rights but having to watch Asher and figure out whether his right was the same as the horse's was more difficult.

"The stirrup's really high..." He muttered, lifting his foot a couple of times before it caught in the right place. He gripped the back of the saddle and bounced a little before trying to hoist himself up. "Alright. After three." Three came and went. "Okay. Lemme..."

The hopping up was completed fine but when Ray swung his right leg over, it caught on the back of the saddle and he buckled, his chest falling forward, right hand grasping at the horse's neck to hold on. Squeezing his knees together, he shimmied the rest of the way on and groaned an obscenity as he sat up, blowing mane hair out of his mouth and recomposing himself. He figured it was too much to hope that was the hardest part.

"That was, uh... real graceful there." Ray was spared the look of utter amusement plastered on Asher's face when he turned back to get on his own horse.

He was up on Belle's back fairly quickly and with relative ease, but didn't bother rubbing it in Ray's face. "Gentle pressure into the horse's side from your foot will get it moving slowly and pulling on either side on the reins will tell him to turn in that direction. Full pull back on both reins are your brakes. He's pretty well trained, so you don't have to worry about him taking off on you like a bat out of hell." Too bad he couldn't say the same about the one he was on.

"You teach yourself all this?" Ray asked, watching Asher climb up like he'd done it a hundred times before. He mimicked the posture, straightening his spine and pushing back his shoulders.

Gripping the reins, he lightly pressed his foot into Beau's side and nothing much happened, so he did it again, digging his heels in until the horse moved. "Whoo! We have take-off!" Less bat out of hell, more elderly person on a walk though. Ray's eyes widened a little at the slow up and down. "Huh. This feels...new."

"Mostly. Not like my parents paid for equestrian classes so I had to lean by watching and doing... and trial and error."

Starting Belle on a slow walk, Asher kept her up to pace beside Beau. "How about you hold off celebrating till you can manage to get up to more than two miles per hour on him."

The only criminals Ray could catch on horseback right now would be crippled ones, dragging themselves along the ground to get away. And he didn't think there were many of those on the island.

"I'm cruising. That deserves a little recognition." Not that he really knew where he was going; Beau was controlling the direction right then. Ray gave an experimental tug on one side and veered towards Belle. "Woaaah. Bros before hos!" Because of course it was Beau's fault. "This is not the time to go sniffing around your woman."

"Right... Any slower and you'd be going backwards," he said, trying to pull Belle out of the way before they had a full on collision. "They're horses, Vecchio, not bumper cars. Stay in your lane."

"I didn't do anything!" Ray insisted, his voice hitting a high pitch that gave away his belief that he was in the right. He was still tugging the rein that was making Beau veer, unaware that that was the cause of his wonky journey. "This thing is broken. Look how he's bending."

"He's not doing anything but what you're telling him to do. You said you were with me when I explained what the reins did." Clearly, Ray was a great big liar. That, or he was just stupid. "Pull the other one to get him to go the other way."

"Oh my God," Ray muttered to himself, pulling the other rein. Lo and behold, Beau straightened up, but Ray was still wondering why it all couldn't be simpler. "Stick close, okay? Don't let me go off on my own." He started pulling left then right to practise, short, quick tugs each way, like the horse would know he was just trying it out and wasn't actually confused about which way to turn. If there were cones to weave in and out of, Beau would be trampling all over them right now.

"Don't try to run my horse off the road again and I won't have to leave as much space between the two of them." At this rate, Asher wasn't sure how many of these sessions it would take till he thought Ray could handle Beau out beyond the fenced in pasture without killing himself. It was a shame they didn't make training wheels for horses, because he was in definite need of them.

"Look, I'm nervous, okay? And this seat hurts my ass." If he going to admit to being scared, he may as well go the whole hog. "But I got it now." He let Beau go as he wished, motioning him each way as he walked. "See? I got the magic touch. Now I just need the accelerator."

"Saddle," Asher immediately corrected. "And maybe we'll look into a sidesaddle for you next time, princess. But if you think that's uncomfortable, you wouldn't be able to ride without one like you suggested."

"Saddle, whatever." Ray wanted to be able to ride a horse, not talk about one without the word police on his ass. "How do I look? Do I look like I know what I'm doing?" That was half the battle right there.

"Like a guy from the city who's been sat on a horse for the first time?" But maybe that was because Asher knew Ray was from a big city and that it was his first time on a horse. "You can't expect miracles right out of the gate."

Ray's face fell since he'd kinda been expecting them and he dug his heels in harder, Beau speeding to a trot. Ray bounced everywhere in the saddle, posture nearly crumbling. "Holy shi--Asherrrr! Don't let me--! What the hell is this! Ow. Ow. Ow, oh God, I'm gonna die." He'd seen his fair share of Westerns but being inside the tv, on the big horse, was something entirely different.

Asher rolled his eyes skyward before he coaxed Belle to speed up to a trot and follow in pursuit. "If you want him to ease back into a walk then pull back gently on both reins," Asher called out, not sure if Ray was even listening to him any more or if he was just in full panic mode.

"Or if you want to stay in the trot and not have your ass absorb all the shock, find the two beat rhythm of the horse's trot and stay seated for one, but rise out of the saddle slightly on the second. Keep your feet firmly in both stirrups."

Christ, he was gonna die...

Now was not the time for choices and Ray was only half listening anyway.

"Find two what?!" he yelled, letting go of the reins and holding up his palms like he'd pressed the wrong button, only then realizing how bad an idea that was. To save himself from falling, he tightened his grip with his feet, Beau quickening a little and sending Ray forward to cling onto his neck. "Make it stop! I wanna get off!"

"What's the matter with you?! Who the fuck lets go of the steering wheel?!" Asher yelled after him. He was half tempted to let Beau keep on going until he tired himself out or Ray fell off, whichever came first.

Speeding up, he maneuvered Belle up beside Beau, pulling out just a few paces ahead of him in order to grab his reins and tug back, bringing Belle down to a slow stop at the same time. "What the fuck was that?"

Ray had his eyes screwed shut, even after the horse had stopped moving.

"I panicked!" There was a high shrill in his voice. "I'm alive. Thank God, I'm alive." His grip on Beau's neck hadn't let up though. He panted through an open mouth. "I'm alive."

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