30 May 2010 @ 02:43 am
Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!  

"I can't believe I did that I can't believe I did that I can't believe!" Ray flapped his hands and high-tailed it out of the stable, hopping around in circles and visibly shuddering. "I can't believe I did that!"

There was a reason why horses weren't man's best friend and that reason was glaringly obvious to Ray. They stunk. And tried to kick him. And head-butt him whenever his back was turned.

Huffing out a deep breath, Ray pinched two fingers and pulled off his gloves, work done for the morning. He'd forgotten how sucky it was getting up early to tend to two spoiled sets of hooves, and he definitely hadn't appreciated the time in-between these stints enough, when he'd been able to sleep in and not smell of manure. He thanked God he lived alone, otherwise his roommates might have thought there was something wrong with his own bowels...

Tossing the gloves on the floor, Ray looked himself over, checking to make sure he wasn't too cruddy. He'd leave the saddling up and...whatever else needed to be done to Asher and spend the time psyching himself up instead. The faster he learned how to control those things, the less time he'd have to play care-giver.

"C'mooon," he called out, swinging his hands together and shaking out his legs, a clear sign of the nerves he was trying to disguise with over-confidence. "Don't bother with a seat, I'll do it bareback if I have to."
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asher_talos: Let me see your mean[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 03:32 am (UTC)
"And I manage to not piss her off by calling her fat and hormonal." Her bitchiness was completely ingrained. "What's your point?"
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 03:35 am (UTC)
"That you're having just as little sex as I am." Which was better than saying he was having absolutely zero. Nada. Zilch. "So you can hardly talk about being great with the ladies."
asher_talos: Doubting your intelligence[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 03:42 am (UTC)
"By choice. I'm a man of the cloth now." Cloth diapers, technically, but he figured Ray was just bright enough to know he didn't mean he'd gone and found Jesus. "Next argument?"
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 04:13 am (UTC)
"By choice, huh? So you're beating women away with a stick?" Ray raised his eyebrows, remaining unconvinced. It wasn't all Asher's fault though. Ray had to take into account that he looked the same as Kowalski, which would obviously lose him a few offers here and there.
asher_talos[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 04:35 am (UTC)
"Hey, your words, not mine, but I'll stick with neither officially confirming nor denying that." Because he was just that much of a gentleman.
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 04:39 am (UTC)
Ray eyed him for a moment.

"...You're so not," he concluded, mostly to convince himself more than anything. It would be a sad, sad day when Asher got more action than he did, Ray thought. "I mean, if I'm not, you're definitely not." There was logic that couldn't be argued with. "No offense."
asher_talos: Do I dazzle you motherfucker?[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 04:49 am (UTC)
"Never underestimate the power of a full head of hair. I mean, look at him," Asher said, nodding in Beau's direction.

"And then look at her." He gave Belle's side a gentle pat with a thoroughly smug expression on his face. "He probably doesn't call her fat, either."
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 11:43 am (UTC)
Ray let out a small grating noise at the back of his throat and looked between the two animals. Why couldn't some people look beyond the deliberately short hair on his head?

"Unlike Beau, I'm not trying to sleep with a horse. Real people aren't always as shallow as him." He glanced up at Asher. "Or you."
asher_talos: Happy little vampire[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 03:22 pm (UTC)
"I'm sure all the she-horses on the island are relieved..." Asher definitely was; he let this guy near his horses, so it was nice to know they weren't in any danger. "And if that helps you sleep at night, you keep on believing it."
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 03:57 pm (UTC)
"Least people don't mistake me for Cujo when I yawn," Ray shot back, figuring he was allowed to focus on that particular flaw since Asher seemed to stick with hair when insulting him. "Or Stanley Kowalski. But that's 'cause you share the bad haircut thing rather than the teeth thing." Credit where credit was due - Kowalski's teeth were normal.
asher_talos: Amused[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 04:49 pm (UTC)
"Other than your attempts at insults," -- all of which were unsuccessful as far as Asher was concerned -- "I can honestly say no one's ever mistaken me for a St. Bernard, just a vampire. That's okay, though, the eyesight probably follows the hair."
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 04:59 pm (UTC)
"You're also smug, arrogant," Ray counted them off on one hand, his other clinging tightly to the reins, "and..." Really difficult to insult. "And childish." He looked far too proud to have thought up a third thing, his finger pointing at Asher in triumph. "And many more things I don't have the time to list." Or the brain capacity.
asher_talos: Show me your teeth[personal profile] asher_talos on June 7th, 2010 06:49 pm (UTC)
"I don't consider the first two insults, and does listing all that make you any less childish than I supposedly am?" He was pretty sure they both knew the answer to that, even if Ray wouldn't be openly admitting it.
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 7th, 2010 11:56 pm (UTC)
"Yes, it does," Ray answered, then clucked his tongue and dug his heels in, taking off on another trot. He kept the counting in his head this time and found the rhythm quite quickly. It seemed when he wasn't thinking too much it all came to him a lot more easily. Asher might be many things but at least he wasn't a bad teacher. "What're you calling number three?"
asher_talos: Mellow[personal profile] asher_talos on June 8th, 2010 06:59 am (UTC)
"Won't know until it's here. I can't exactly tell what sex it is by the may she's carrying," he answered, mildly impressed that Ray was able to keep time and ask a question all at once. That was a step up from being able to chew gum and walk simultaneously. "Maybe Bijou if it's a girl. Not sure about a boy."
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 9th, 2010 01:13 am (UTC)
"Bijou," Ray echoed, tossing it around in his head for a moment. "Sticking with the French theme, huh? So how 'bout uh...for a boy, mind..." He raised his voice as he moved a bit further away, kind of like a duckling exploring without its mother for the first time. "Boris. Or Bastien. Oh, hey, if it comes out the right color, call it Bayard." Ray circled back round, speeding up as he returned. He grinned. "Or Bonaparte."
asher_talos: The fuck?[personal profile] asher_talos on June 9th, 2010 02:20 am (UTC)
"Uh... how about you keep those for when the island throws a horse at you?" If that did happen, Asher wouldn't be able to help himself from feeling a little bad for the animal. As if having Ray as an owner wasn't bad enough for it, it was already guaranteed to have a crappy name, too. At least it probably wouldn't have to live with it long.
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 9th, 2010 11:03 pm (UTC)
"Nah, I got better names for my own stuff." And if Ray ever did end up the unfortunate owner of something live and not human, he'd probably call it Benny and have done with it. "I gave you the rejects. When's she due?" Hopefully not too soon because Ray suspected it wasn't easy to ride a pregnant horse near full term and he still had a lot to be taught. A horseless teacher wasn't much good, though Ray wouldn't be averse to seeing Asher ride an imaginary one for educational purposes.
asher_talos: Doubting your intelligence[personal profile] asher_talos on June 10th, 2010 02:19 am (UTC)
"It's nice to know you care..." If nothing else, at last he knew those names sucked. "Not till the very end of this year or maybe early next. Why? You wanna be around to cut the umbilical cord?"
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 10th, 2010 03:10 am (UTC)
"A Christmas miracle..." Ray replied in a day-dreamy voice before giving Asher a pointed look. "Maybe you should call it Jesus." His tone changed very quickly at the mention of icky things. "Uh, no thank you. I'll stand at the back with the camcorder, telling her to push. Doing all the Lamaze breathing and stuff."
asher_talos: Then what happened?[personal profile] asher_talos on June 10th, 2010 03:33 am (UTC)
"Jesus isn't French and doesn't start with a B." Not that those were the only reasons he wasn't going to use that particular name. "So, essentially, you're useless? Good to know."
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 10th, 2010 03:44 am (UTC)
Ray thought for a long, hard moment, letting Beau wander as he wished. "Bejesus is both," he pointed out, making sure to say it with a French accent. "And moral support isn't useless." He'd never been to a human birth before so he sure as hell wouldn't know what to do at a horse one. "Maybe Belle would be better off with your sister as a birthing partner though. Female to female."
asher_talos[personal profile] asher_talos on June 10th, 2010 04:11 am (UTC)
"Clearly, you haven't seen my sister interact with other females. Or males. Or animals in general..." Asher chose to ignore the idiotic suggestion, on account of it being idiotic. "Pretty much anything living."
[identity profile] speakscanadian.livejournal.com on June 10th, 2010 04:29 am (UTC)
"Really," Ray commented neutrally, case notes immediately flooding back to his mind. He'd seen her talking to Sally once but they'd both had scowls on their faces pretty much the entire time. "She rubs everyone up the wrong way, huh?" Like a concentrated version of Asher, he figured. "I've not had much personal experience of her." Professional was another matter.
asher_talos: Could I BE less interested?[personal profile] asher_talos on June 10th, 2010 04:38 am (UTC)
"Do not do that," Asher warned. It went without saying, but he hadn't been born yesterday, and had more than his fair share of experience dealing with cops. Maybe Ray was the first one in a long while what wasn't crooked, but it didn't matter. "I will kick you off that fucking horse if you start over analyzing."
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