speakscanadian | Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!

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asher

Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!

"I can't believe I did that I can't believe I did that I can't believe!" Ray flapped his hands and high-tailed it out of the stable, hopping around in circles and visibly shuddering. "I can't believe I did that!"

There was a reason why horses weren't man's best friend and that reason was glaringly obvious to Ray. They stunk. And tried to kick him. And head-butt him whenever his back was turned.

Huffing out a deep breath, Ray pinched two fingers and pulled off his gloves, work done for the morning. He'd forgotten how sucky it was getting up early to tend to two spoiled sets of hooves, and he definitely hadn't appreciated the time in-between these stints enough, when he'd been able to sleep in and not smell of manure. He thanked God he lived alone, otherwise his roommates might have thought there was something wrong with his own bowels...

Tossing the gloves on the floor, Ray looked himself over, checking to make sure he wasn't too cruddy. He'd leave the saddling up and...whatever else needed to be done to Asher and spend the time psyching himself up instead. The faster he learned how to control those things, the less time he'd have to play care-giver.

"C'mooon," he called out, swinging his hands together and shaking out his legs, a clear sign of the nerves he was trying to disguise with over-confidence. "Don't bother with a seat, I'll do it bareback if I have to."

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Ray's face fell since he'd kinda been expecting them and he dug his heels in harder, Beau speeding to a trot. Ray bounced everywhere in the saddle, posture nearly crumbling. "Holy shi--Asherrrr! Don't let me--! What the hell is this! Ow. Ow. Ow, oh God, I'm gonna die." He'd seen his fair share of Westerns but being inside the tv, on the big horse, was something entirely different.

Asher rolled his eyes skyward before he coaxed Belle to speed up to a trot and follow in pursuit. "If you want him to ease back into a walk then pull back gently on both reins," Asher called out, not sure if Ray was even listening to him any more or if he was just in full panic mode.

"Or if you want to stay in the trot and not have your ass absorb all the shock, find the two beat rhythm of the horse's trot and stay seated for one, but rise out of the saddle slightly on the second. Keep your feet firmly in both stirrups."

Christ, he was gonna die...

Now was not the time for choices and Ray was only half listening anyway.

"Find two what?!" he yelled, letting go of the reins and holding up his palms like he'd pressed the wrong button, only then realizing how bad an idea that was. To save himself from falling, he tightened his grip with his feet, Beau quickening a little and sending Ray forward to cling onto his neck. "Make it stop! I wanna get off!"

"What's the matter with you?! Who the fuck lets go of the steering wheel?!" Asher yelled after him. He was half tempted to let Beau keep on going until he tired himself out or Ray fell off, whichever came first.

Speeding up, he maneuvered Belle up beside Beau, pulling out just a few paces ahead of him in order to grab his reins and tug back, bringing Belle down to a slow stop at the same time. "What the fuck was that?"

Ray had his eyes screwed shut, even after the horse had stopped moving.

"I panicked!" There was a high shrill in his voice. "I'm alive. Thank God, I'm alive." His grip on Beau's neck hadn't let up though. He panted through an open mouth. "I'm alive."

"Yeah, your stupidity didn't get you killed. Congratulations. Are you staying on or not?" He asked, holding the reins out to him. "What the hell possessed you to want to do this, anyway?"

"Fraser," Ray answered simply, and his Mountie friend was also the reason he pushed himself back up and tentatively took the reins from Asher. "We got no cop cars either," he shrugged, "so horses are the next best option. Show me the two step thing?"

"...Asher," he corrected yet again, assuming the trauma Ray had just endured might have knocked names loose in his head.

"You have to get the horse trotting again. On purpose preferably." Without freaking out would have been a big plus, too. "You move up and down out of the saddle in time with the horse's stride; up for one beat, down on the next," Asher explained, then encouraged Belle into a slow trot to demonstrate quickly before pulling back alongside Beau. "Bouncing around in the saddle like you just did is fine, but the impact's not much fun for you or the horse after a while."

"I know what your name is," Ray muttered, securing his feet back into the stirrups and watching the demonstration. He tried to count along and just caught the beat as Asher finished.

"Not much fun? That's an understatement. I feel like I've been--" He flicked his gaze over to Asher before shutting his mouth. "Uhh, never mind. Mush, mush." He got Beau going again, slower this time. Starting was pretty easy; it was the stopping Ray had a problem with. "One two one two one two..." He continued to count. It was a fair attempt, if a little off-rhythm sometimes.

"Violated by a horse?" Asher asked in an overly chipper tone.

While he still followed, Asher kept slightly further behind this time, which Ray might have appreciated once he started counting, just to throw him off. "Three, seven, fourteen, twenty-seven, thirty-five..."

Ray wisely chose to ignore Asher's horse comment and focus on the counting. Little did he expect his instructor to sabotage that.

"Four, five, seven, twenty-eigh--Asher!" Rhythm disturbed, he started bouncing in the saddle again, butt taking the brunt of it. He whipped his head around to glare at him, face full of exasperation. "I'm trying to concentrate! One. Two. One. Two," he enunciated, pointedly raising his voice.

Asher sent a look of feigned innocence right back at him. "If you need to concentrate on counting to two, then maybe you need to stop wasting your time here and take up a math class instead."

A fake laugh came from Ray before his face fell flat and unimpressed. He hauled Beau back a little, so he slowed to a walk.

"I'm getting the distinct feeling you don't wanna teach me this."

"Wouldn't have agreed to it if I didn't. I told you, I did perfectly fine on my own taking care of these two before your help, so you're not doing me any favors here." As far as Asher was concerned, any idiot who took their hands off the reins deserved to be given a hard time.

"Fine is fine for a while," Ray shrugged, encouraging Beau to the right to circle Belle and the ex-vampire. "But now I'm here," he continued, giving Asher a convinced look, "you do great."

"I'd do even better with earplugs." Instead of whistling while he worked, Ray whined, a lot, and yet completed the task at hand anyway. Asher didn't really understand why he didn't just shut the fuck and get what needed doing over with, without the complaining part.

"Ouch. I'm hurt," Ray monotoned, before rolling his eyes with a shake of his head, corners of his lips tugging up slightly. "I bet it can get pretty boring doing it on your own all the time though."

"Volunteering for a permanent position? You can take care of the third one when it gets here." Maybe he'd run out of things to bitch about before it popped out.

Ray raised his palms again. "Hey, no, I'm--" Then remembered what happened last time and made a grab for them with a frantic expression. Crisis averted, he let out a breath. He definitely wasn't cut out for stable work every morning. He was far too friendly with sleep.

"Third? There's gonna be three? How d'you know one's gonna app--ohh..." His gaze dropped to Belle's belly, then back up to Asher. "In there?"

"In there," Asher confirmed, hoping this was the only way he'd ever end up with yet another horse to add to his collection. He was sick of the island just dropping them into his lap. "Did you just think she was fat? You must be great with the ladies."

"Well, yeah." Ray admitted, checking out the female. "I mean, she eats like a...heh." He didn't bother finishing for fear of Asher's eyes rolling themselves right out of his head. "I mean she eats more than him. I guess I just thought she was greedy."

Ray waved a hand in the horse's vicinity. "This must uh, explain the bad moods. Horses have hormones, right?"

"She was bitchy before and she wasn't knocked up when I first got her." She wasn't as bad as she was before -- the fact that Asher was allowed on her at all was a testament to that -- but she was never as tame as Beau was. "But again, way to go. Blame it on the hormones." At least now it was fairly obvious why he hadn't been anywhere as he confessed to earlier.

"Oh, like you're Mr Ladies Man," Ray retorted, giving Beau a pat on his neck like he'd seen Clint Eastwood do once. He even had the narrowed eyes, but those were aimed at Asher. "The only woman I've seen you anywhere near is your sister."

"And I manage to not piss her off by calling her fat and hormonal." Her bitchiness was completely ingrained. "What's your point?"

"That you're having just as little sex as I am." Which was better than saying he was having absolutely zero. Nada. Zilch. "So you can hardly talk about being great with the ladies."

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