speakscanadian | Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!

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asher

Detective Ray Vecchio, IMP!

"I can't believe I did that I can't believe I did that I can't believe!" Ray flapped his hands and high-tailed it out of the stable, hopping around in circles and visibly shuddering. "I can't believe I did that!"

There was a reason why horses weren't man's best friend and that reason was glaringly obvious to Ray. They stunk. And tried to kick him. And head-butt him whenever his back was turned.

Huffing out a deep breath, Ray pinched two fingers and pulled off his gloves, work done for the morning. He'd forgotten how sucky it was getting up early to tend to two spoiled sets of hooves, and he definitely hadn't appreciated the time in-between these stints enough, when he'd been able to sleep in and not smell of manure. He thanked God he lived alone, otherwise his roommates might have thought there was something wrong with his own bowels...

Tossing the gloves on the floor, Ray looked himself over, checking to make sure he wasn't too cruddy. He'd leave the saddling up and...whatever else needed to be done to Asher and spend the time psyching himself up instead. The faster he learned how to control those things, the less time he'd have to play care-giver.

"C'mooon," he called out, swinging his hands together and shaking out his legs, a clear sign of the nerves he was trying to disguise with over-confidence. "Don't bother with a seat, I'll do it bareback if I have to."

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"Wouldn't have agreed to it if I didn't. I told you, I did perfectly fine on my own taking care of these two before your help, so you're not doing me any favors here." As far as Asher was concerned, any idiot who took their hands off the reins deserved to be given a hard time.

"Fine is fine for a while," Ray shrugged, encouraging Beau to the right to circle Belle and the ex-vampire. "But now I'm here," he continued, giving Asher a convinced look, "you do great."

"I'd do even better with earplugs." Instead of whistling while he worked, Ray whined, a lot, and yet completed the task at hand anyway. Asher didn't really understand why he didn't just shut the fuck and get what needed doing over with, without the complaining part.

"Ouch. I'm hurt," Ray monotoned, before rolling his eyes with a shake of his head, corners of his lips tugging up slightly. "I bet it can get pretty boring doing it on your own all the time though."

"Volunteering for a permanent position? You can take care of the third one when it gets here." Maybe he'd run out of things to bitch about before it popped out.

Ray raised his palms again. "Hey, no, I'm--" Then remembered what happened last time and made a grab for them with a frantic expression. Crisis averted, he let out a breath. He definitely wasn't cut out for stable work every morning. He was far too friendly with sleep.

"Third? There's gonna be three? How d'you know one's gonna app--ohh..." His gaze dropped to Belle's belly, then back up to Asher. "In there?"

"In there," Asher confirmed, hoping this was the only way he'd ever end up with yet another horse to add to his collection. He was sick of the island just dropping them into his lap. "Did you just think she was fat? You must be great with the ladies."

"Well, yeah." Ray admitted, checking out the female. "I mean, she eats like a...heh." He didn't bother finishing for fear of Asher's eyes rolling themselves right out of his head. "I mean she eats more than him. I guess I just thought she was greedy."

Ray waved a hand in the horse's vicinity. "This must uh, explain the bad moods. Horses have hormones, right?"

"She was bitchy before and she wasn't knocked up when I first got her." She wasn't as bad as she was before -- the fact that Asher was allowed on her at all was a testament to that -- but she was never as tame as Beau was. "But again, way to go. Blame it on the hormones." At least now it was fairly obvious why he hadn't been anywhere as he confessed to earlier.

"Oh, like you're Mr Ladies Man," Ray retorted, giving Beau a pat on his neck like he'd seen Clint Eastwood do once. He even had the narrowed eyes, but those were aimed at Asher. "The only woman I've seen you anywhere near is your sister."

"And I manage to not piss her off by calling her fat and hormonal." Her bitchiness was completely ingrained. "What's your point?"

"That you're having just as little sex as I am." Which was better than saying he was having absolutely zero. Nada. Zilch. "So you can hardly talk about being great with the ladies."

"By choice. I'm a man of the cloth now." Cloth diapers, technically, but he figured Ray was just bright enough to know he didn't mean he'd gone and found Jesus. "Next argument?"

"By choice, huh? So you're beating women away with a stick?" Ray raised his eyebrows, remaining unconvinced. It wasn't all Asher's fault though. Ray had to take into account that he looked the same as Kowalski, which would obviously lose him a few offers here and there.

"Hey, your words, not mine, but I'll stick with neither officially confirming nor denying that." Because he was just that much of a gentleman.

Ray eyed him for a moment.

"...You're so not," he concluded, mostly to convince himself more than anything. It would be a sad, sad day when Asher got more action than he did, Ray thought. "I mean, if I'm not, you're definitely not." There was logic that couldn't be argued with. "No offense."

"Never underestimate the power of a full head of hair. I mean, look at him," Asher said, nodding in Beau's direction.

"And then look at her." He gave Belle's side a gentle pat with a thoroughly smug expression on his face. "He probably doesn't call her fat, either."

Ray let out a small grating noise at the back of his throat and looked between the two animals. Why couldn't some people look beyond the deliberately short hair on his head?

"Unlike Beau, I'm not trying to sleep with a horse. Real people aren't always as shallow as him." He glanced up at Asher. "Or you."

"I'm sure all the she-horses on the island are relieved..." Asher definitely was; he let this guy near his horses, so it was nice to know they weren't in any danger. "And if that helps you sleep at night, you keep on believing it."

"Least people don't mistake me for Cujo when I yawn," Ray shot back, figuring he was allowed to focus on that particular flaw since Asher seemed to stick with hair when insulting him. "Or Stanley Kowalski. But that's 'cause you share the bad haircut thing rather than the teeth thing." Credit where credit was due - Kowalski's teeth were normal.

"Other than your attempts at insults," -- all of which were unsuccessful as far as Asher was concerned -- "I can honestly say no one's ever mistaken me for a St. Bernard, just a vampire. That's okay, though, the eyesight probably follows the hair."

"You're also smug, arrogant," Ray counted them off on one hand, his other clinging tightly to the reins, "and..." Really difficult to insult. "And childish." He looked far too proud to have thought up a third thing, his finger pointing at Asher in triumph. "And many more things I don't have the time to list." Or the brain capacity.

"I don't consider the first two insults, and does listing all that make you any less childish than I supposedly am?" He was pretty sure they both knew the answer to that, even if Ray wouldn't be openly admitting it.

"Yes, it does," Ray answered, then clucked his tongue and dug his heels in, taking off on another trot. He kept the counting in his head this time and found the rhythm quite quickly. It seemed when he wasn't thinking too much it all came to him a lot more easily. Asher might be many things but at least he wasn't a bad teacher. "What're you calling number three?"

"Won't know until it's here. I can't exactly tell what sex it is by the may she's carrying," he answered, mildly impressed that Ray was able to keep time and ask a question all at once. That was a step up from being able to chew gum and walk simultaneously. "Maybe Bijou if it's a girl. Not sure about a boy."

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